Five months , God give rest to your soul . I've read some of your memos that you wrote ashamdely . Before i read them , i remembered how you used to make fun of me when i write such things , i am wondering why now . I was anxious to read them , because i didn't know what went through your mind , and i was actually pleased when my mom allowed me to read them . She allowed me not to satisfy my curiousity , but to show me how sensible he was , and to take him as a role model . After i read them , i didn't think you would really have some sort of thoughts like i used to and still . Didn't expect that you would write with the same way i used to and still . Didn't realize that some of your dormant anger inside you was because of some issues that me myself suffer from, from day to day . These depressions you met in your life that you articulated about , were the reason you wore your angry face everyday . You have shared a bit of your concerns to me , however i never thought it would form a pressure on you for a long time .I know the last 2 years you pulled attention to your latest and last desire and eager and i know that made you more down , but not rebilious ...That fact that mom realized how precious it was . It would've been different if i knew while you are still there , i didn't feel close to you and sometimes scared of your mood swings .But now i know , i've been in some of your situations with only different people , buildings and colors . I understand now . Since we've lost you , i've had had a scenario of what will be going on to me , and none of the expected scenes came to reality . I gradually began to lose things and people , a massive change and shock i found myself in . I couldn't help but to seek for a helping hand , and i failed . I took some of your leads in your life before i read your memos and after . I'd like to add 2 point to your life goals as a strong supporting self-building muslim plan , which say : " 1- Move forward , forward , forward . Talking about yesterdays won't add to today or tomorrow . If you met failure with someone or something , don't drop , just keeping seeking , forward . 2- Look how misreable the world is , how pathetic other people's lives , take a look to the lowest levels of lives . you will find no excuse to yourself staying in the hole . "
