This pumping of blood inside my heart , and the knocks of ideas inside my head .
These non stop tipping of my feet edges . The need to jump and dance .An instantaneous leap of something inside me !
This moment , i really might not have a clue what i am about to write in the next lines ...so i'll just leave my fingers to lead this topic to whatever end it's gonna be .
So my fingers are waiting for my brain , because it tells them about things they are gonna write down now :
I am a screwed up person right now , i can see two paths , yet blurry ones . There are these signs are put in the entrances of each . One that carry these address " the care of God , the safe religious side , the way to find peace , go traditional this way . " .
The other's address " You want to try life by another concept created by you , and you know what God wants from you along this way , go and try your life concepts , go by your whims this way . "
And i found myself in this crossroad , me standing on this level on the ground , and above me , there are countless levels ,each has a pressure on me , and they have their own weights . And i just have this leap inside me that tells me ' just pick a side already ' .such levels ....
Precautions level :My parents , they have this big role of shaping my life , greatest pressure above all other levels .
Telling me what i should , and what i shouldn't . Sometimes i find myself not able to find my own direction because of their ideologies they planted inside me , which i don't regret most of the concepts i gained , but there is always a but !
Ethics , the liberty of actions .
Society level :
The second biggest pressure on me , the acknowledgement , the conflicts of cultures , the classes of people . I know many of those that i know don't really like my recent attitudes , thoughts .
What will the society will make of me ? One day i go riot , the next day i accept being surrounded by mimes , actors and ..halabala! ( none sense )Society is the stage for the theatrical plays .
emotions level :
What i desire , and long for .
What i hate ? My experiences and so .Expectations level :
The painting of the future that i always add something to it , feels like a wonderland ! Will this painting ever come to life ?
and other minor levels which i can't think of right now .
So me there , in this crossroad . Ridiculously , i find my self putting my left foot on one side , and my right foot on the other , which might work in the beginning of the crossroad , when challenges are still doesn't demand a big frank attitude from a certain ideology . Nevertheless , when bigger conflicts appear in the battle field , and the distances grow between these two paths , i would have to remove one of my legs from one of them ...
I have this tendency towards the first one , Salafi way , but i still carry inside me some of the earthly concepts i can carry along . Because i don't like the idea to belong to some groups that i might find myself have to put on even a half mask to go along with their current . I don't want to even wear even a small fractured piece of a mask i don't believe in ,to go along with a group , who carry most of the answers to life but not all .
I will draw a third line , and will remove my feet from the first two . With only the belief of God , as my savior , my creator , my refuge , my friend , my love , my everything . Then i will see where i will end .
