Man , that's like going wild .... o' .i can't find my way back to earth of reality , why should i anyway??!
it's me when i am thrown in troubles ..
it's not like me when i am not that one lost under the clouds of the rainy thoughts ..
i get punked whenever it feels so
whatever i say , it just came out without decision , but maybe has a point that i am not aware of , at least ..not yet!
it's me when i have the free soul
the possession of a free willing .
the desire to cross the barrier between you and me
it's me ..when i have the desire to laugh ..then i laugh in the saddest situation
yea , and crying ..it is my enemy ..shows my weakness sometimes ,shows when do i get punked ..even if i want to , still it's a mystery for me , why do i dislike this part in my life , when i begin to weep .
however , tears are signs of innocence too ..mm ..i'd be glad if i had bits of this innocence , if anything pure left? ! after all these troubles we have been through and still facing them ..
best thing i found when i get punked ..is that u realize everything is so easy to be done , but it's hard to make a decision , and it's hard to take a first step ..or perhaps i feel lazy?
yea that's me too..laziness is my friend ..so is doubt ..so is forgetting , so is being blinded by some good things done for me .
we have to uncover our eyes though from time to time , to see and check upon facts ..are they still the same ? did laws of life change? did humanity wake up? did conscience get born again?? did hypocrisy die?
these are laws to me ..
laws i have found without searching for them , by luck!
it's not like i am gonna say i am lucky i knew these laws , because still ...hundreds of laws i haven't learned of yet ..still and still ..i am being sarcastic of things , of every one , of myself ..it 's also a law in human being ..law of complicated human nature ..
one drop of tear is not worthy to fall from my eyes .
i would like to feel independent in my life course .
and never welcome any failure that would knock on my heart's door .
if you push my hands away that offered help , i don't lose but it is oblivion
don't own this obsession of admiration and the magical thing they call love
i own a half heart that is colored with black and red and white
i would like to think that the white part is the most taking over part .
innocence and purity , beauty and peace
i heard that carrying a heart that can love , but ceasing this ability and enclosing it in a cold chest is a brutal crime .
such a mystical adventure to wait for the one who will attach his half heart with yours .
yet there is a deep vision behind this , i seek salvation , of any bonds , of any any barriers .
i long to be free ..
yet they see that being in someone's care list is an unforgotten pleasure
something that can't be made up for .
i thought of leaving things the way they are .
but it feels bad when someone starts caring and you deny him.
denial is another brutal crime .. equal to ingratitude
i am ashamed of the mess that might happen as a consequences of surrendering
and storms will be awaken , rain will fall , and hearts break to halves , to the way they once were . the way we once were born .
i want the rain to never stop
i want it to pour down on me and never stop
and i want the streets to be flooded with ponds and mud
i want the traces on the mud be gone ..
i want to place my feet in a better place
from this dark street to a beautiful boulevard
i don't want to meet psychos on my way there
i'll throw my fists on any maniac that will try to stop me from reaching any aim
i'll go there and i would cut my bonds if i had to
i'll let go of any other dream
i'll let go of being who i used to be
i just want to be there
in the place where they claimed
there , they said ..i should find my peace ...
yet i stopped ..
where is it .. this peace ???!!
well he just sat there , and the cup of hot chocolate was between his hands , it was her choice , cup of hot chocolate in that freezing cold evening ..
they sat in that cafeteria , as he offered her to have something warm after that long day full of classes and courses .
she seemed to be bothered with something , she just kept staring at her face's reflection in the cup . He didn't wanna gaze at her , he wasn't that kinda guy that would do that , they weren't close enough to share thoughts .So he only was silent and thought of asking - like any normal person would - what was wrong , she looked at him with her grey deep eyes ,and smiled ," ah , nothing , just things i am thinking of ".
Then he remembered a friend saying once that if someone wanted to be close to someone he should show care and sympathy .
he kept on doing so , " ok , is it something that i shouldn't know? i mean secret or something ? " , he assumed if he said so , that would be a nice attempt to show care .
" it's just silly matters , you know , studies , problems , misunderstanding ,...kinda stuff "
she answered in a shyness , she moved her fingers through her dark hair and put them behind her ears .
" oh , ok " , then he was silent again ....
" you know ," she said looking at him , he thought finally , here it comes .
" this girl , jina ..how muh i hate her right now !she wasn't supposed to do this ! not infront of everybody ..."
" what did she do? " , he asked , with curiosity .
" didn't you hear ?! she said to every one that i am weak and i can't own the leadership of the performance team for the welcome party ..,she said it behind my back ..i mean ..how could she ? " , she was alittle whispering , then she was about to yell .
He looked left to see if anyone one heard or noticed them , luckly they weren't , also there table was at the right corner , so there was no worries .
he didn't like the way she reacted , he wasn't of a much experience to deal with angry girls , especially with her , especially when he had a crush on her , and it was an important moment for him , sitting with her .
she sat properly on her chair and sighed , she looked away from him .
He had nothing in mind , he was just thinking and thinking and thinking , trying to catch the proper words to be said , but couldn't , till a while elapsed and really something was to be said .
she drifted her eyes at his . " why don't you say something ? "
he looked at hers and then took his eyes to somewhere else and he murmured . " uh .."
" indeed , you are something different , larry " ,she said with a smile .
" am i ? " , he asked .
" yep ! but it feels good , being with you " ,she said .
he was trembling , but he couldn't do anything but smile back .
" you know , the best part in you is your silence ..i felt quite better " ..she laughed , " really " ,and confirmed .
he figured it out , silence was in his favor .
when he thought this would be his enemy , it turned to be his best method to use .
BE YOURSELF ..
Some how , One can reach to a certain limit which after it , nothing could do further effects in him than it has been already done ...
let's just live in a solitude for a moment and think rationally..
if we took a pathway that would be because of our choices and decisions ..
and the origin of our problems is our choices , eventually we say if only.......!
and solitude is all what awaits .. to share your loneliness
as this is the end of the path you chose , and accepting this is hard to face.
yet you face many characters and minds , and you pick those you like .
then it is luck to play its role , it's destiny , and don't say why .
i fall in a cloud of confusion and i wish if there would be some drops of rain to make things as clear as i want .
i got stuck between desire and compromise ....that's like what have i thrown myself into??
it could be just easier if i flew through emptiness of being numb
lost among the shadows of fake blurry feelings..
o if you knew , what these minds are thinking of ..i dare that i won't have to think of compromising for such minds
it's the desire which i will follow and i'll be taken under its lead
and that's my own personal desire
i will not belong to anyone's belief ..
going here and there , to this and that ..
it's too much weight when caring about everyone , it's not worthy and it's too expensive
it takes maybe half of your life to understand only one being ..how about hundreds ? in the past ? not mentioning those who are coming in the future being added to those of the present that maybe not be lasting forever ..too much ! and this needs alot of compromising .
i could have a concept of giving up ..not always
but if i believe in something , i'll fight for it and stand for it against any barrier ..
to those who think breaking a human's spirit is an easy thing to do
things aren't that simple , it's much deeper .
simple as shallow waters
..those are really of fragile hearts , those who will really go down , deluded and despised
this is a way of mine while living a day
expect the worst of what's coming in case you fear you're gonna be disappointed
if you did so , and found something better . you will be more relieved that the worst you expected didn't come..and if the worst expectation came ,ah well , you expected it anyway ..so no worries and no disappointment ..you knew it was coming ..
don't have so high expectations or you will be letting yourself down
don't have low expectations to not lose your high spirit and your optimism ..
just live your day in a way that makes you stay away from regrets .
fog is everywhere and he can't see
the sky is gray and so are these buildings or what's left from them
he lives in ruins since he was born
he never saw the green grass nor blue river
because everything is gray
because he was born under a cracked building that was falling apart
because he never saw his father
because he knows his mother is sick and would die if she learned that her dear ,only left son was taken away from her
he looks at his hands , stained with dry blood
blood belonged to his dead friend beside him , and there was no crime that he did to be killed .
yet there was a unreasonable cause for his death
a rocket hit their neighborhood and cracked houses collapsed over him
huge tanks passed over dead bodies which lied there without being removed
soldiers with guns and riffles shooting
he could do nothing ...but watch his people falling
he was right there behind a rock
and he couldn't cry for them , he cried many times
his tears are no longer good for him
because he realizes that .. he will grow among these scenes and die among them
he has this unclear future and the weak longing of the promised liberty day
he has imagined this day and how bright will it be
unfortunately he won't ..as he sensed his sight became blurry , and his body ceased moving
a bullet swished into his heart , and... he let out his last breathe...
...
ترحم علي شهداء غزة و ادع لاهلها الصابرين .......
من الصعب ان تسعد كل الناس في ان واحد
من الصعب ان تحس بالسعادة لمدة طويلة
و من المستحيل ان اجعل بيني و بين ربي حاجز
الله هو الاول و الاخر
فاذا لم انال رضاه , فقد خسرت الدنيا و الاخرة
we waste our precious time thinking about nothing
until we suffer insanity in our minds then we say what the hell is going on
we get provoked by some actions and we curse
oh we say , what have we become?
if we wanted to share thoughts , we have to earn trust first
it takes too long for some people to give others their trust
sometimes it just takes a while to give that trust ...!
yeah , we are classes and we are different
we love different stuffs and surely we disagree
it's such a pain when you can't get along with someone
and it's a pain when you want to be saved from yourself
but who shall do that ?? the question is who will be the one?
if we look at the way of life that we live , and we see , and consider it and be aware of not wasting this life
we have one life to live only ,sadly , but it could be such a brilliant Once!
just don't let it be wasted ,nor darkened .
we take steps without any schemes , and we do regret eventually
we look and watch and stare , but we happen to ask , do we have such high hopes to continue watching ..?
again we say ,oh boy ,what a bloody life we lead ! could it be worse ??
then the answer is hell yeah , it could be .
it could be black and white , tasteless , empty , without any passion
and we could have been blind and deaf and senseless
the worst life of all when it equals nothing .
i don't want to hear u bluffing
i will turn the music on ..and i'll start the tantrum
i don't like to hear you shouting
the drums makes my heart beats faster ..anxious and wasted
i want to let it out
this suppressed emotions ..into a sentimental smile ,or a frozen tear
the magic of the flute carries you on its wind to a magnificent heaven
where i start to dance lonely
weightless in the air , soft music , piano , violin ..?
then i fall , and i go riot ,with my heavy guitar
and devils take over .
then i remember ..
none of these will i find my joy in
yet i found it in something else
in a book ..a holy one having versus..pure words and deep meanings
a gift from God that is
it's the safe place i return to
i shut the drums , this heavy metal ,this soft flute
and i listen to the Azan..
much better..much worth hearing!!
the time when you gather around..talk and laugh
do you speak the truth ? or you just try to steal our attention..
when you think everything is fine while it's not . it's just the begining of a chaos
now you will start to shout and yell , now your true side will appear to me
who should i believe ? and whose side should i take?
i like to be in the middle ..of everything .. .i don't like to make you upset
i don't want to make you cry ,but that doesn't mean it's ok if you did this to me
i can forgive , but i can't forget ..never ! i'll never forget
when you look at me ..i know you have questions you wanna ask
but when i look at you , i can collapse from the so many thoughts i have inside my head
it's so sad when you don't understand
that i began to like you ,but i knew
i knew this won't end like this
it won't end with a world full of flowers and pinky colours
i know most of the time it ends with wounds
but all what i say in the end is whatever it takes
i still won't give up and i won't surrender ..i'll still keep a smile on my face
i won't lose hope .there is still good people somewhere ..
my life won't stop if i am alone without you
it's good that i knew at first not so late
now to pick up the shattered pieces and now it's time to stop the blame
it's so lame ,the whole thing but what can i do?
i just need to shut up for a while and think
when words screw things up , it's better to not speak my mind up
but if i have no one to feel calm and soothed with ..
then i'll talk to the wind or the sea or the trees
they are the creatures of God as well as you
they maybe will understand me better than you do
they are even more beautiful when you look at them
they are more true to you when you open your heart and tell
things are meant to be like this
to be sad ,not delighting all the 24
it's only so sad when it's so lame and when it's all about you
it's a shame , and i am not proud of it
but i am proud of the good memories i made
i know you have good things inside
but it ain't good enough for me
